Rotting Christ

basika o sakis eipe prosfata pws evale to miroloi ktl gt hthele na krathsh kati ellhniko``koultoura h otidhpote`` sto cd k oti oloi prepei na to kanoun auto gia na dixnei thn tautotha ths bandas ktl mporei na mhn to eipe etsi akribws ``giauto mhn lithobolhte``alla egw etsi opws to ktlv theorw pws milaei swsta. its fuckig greek band s we can discuss in greek if we want so stfu.

@fuckinglord888 you must learn ancient greeks my retardet friend...

Kinnie Starr
A Different Day

Empowered woman folk hiphop. Some studio electronics, some (un)intentional lo fi. This is about as mysterious as why she left the cinemax x-rated cirque du soleil early. It's far too consistent to be womanly, she needs to cry while making me dinner then laugh while serving it to me.

A woman was involved in making this.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Beat the Devil's Tattoo

Sounds exactly like it looks, which has never been the strong suit for BRMC. They do what they do well until you realize they're doing what they do well. They want their record to be the record that has been worn out from so many uses, and that yearning is not usually attributed to badasses. We'll just have to go with the idea that they have an extra cool version of this release that is already old and tired to them, and all we get is a photograph of it. Sweaty, swarthy girl beer commercial bait aside, this is BRMC's best in a few. If they had real balls they'd rerelease this with a clean cover and let us wear it out, cuz we probably would. Minus 32.3 points for art, so imagine that.

Return to previsited recycled de-form.

Drop The Lime
Heavy Bass Champions of the World Vol. I

Have you ever gotten one of those boxes of Lucky Charms that somehow made it through quality control and contained no marshmallows? You ache salivating for the small, sweet explosions of sugar to be pulverized along with the glazed oats in your mouth only to tear open the box and find the grand canyon of grey, lumpy bullshit unable to return your dissapointed stare. Your body literally shocks you out of that lust, and that transforms desire into anger. The first mom in fresh prince is eating them all, while listening to the bass in this release. The question we're left with is if this would be enjoyable if it was called Brittle Treble Overlords of the Universe. I'll ask Aunt Viv, in the meantime someone release Heavy Bass Champions of the World Vol. I.

More like Bigmouth Billy Bass!!!!!

313 EP

Not too glassy, not too heavy. This straddles that disco house fence well, but ends up in the softer afterparty dim lights and flutes of elegant booze category. It does what it's supposed to do. At least they have humor about how limp wristed the sound they're trying to make is.

The muzak piped into cocaine elevators.

Camo + Krooked
Edge of Mind EP

I judge dance music by how much it evokes an image of some little Asian man in an R&D lab in Tokyo programming black boxes with sounds. After work, along his way to Hamamatsu Station, he pauses for a cup of noodles blissfully unaware that millions of Europeans will take his synthesized sounds and annoy other people in their government funded housing projects with them. Then I got pulled back out of the matrix. Woah, it was so realistic.

But oi, something has to drown out the sound of the stupid babies crying.

Terminal Choice

On the other end of the spectrum from Fettes, here is an example of Germans seeing Demolition Man and thinking techno, blacks with blonde hair and colorful props+wardrobe, and the future all intersect at a nightclub and that nightclub needs a soundtrack. This album is the most sophisticated release involving cartoon clown cover art to date.

Leather vest and nothing else.

Lycka Till
Lycka Till

Sweden's culture capital of Umeň has this interesting force field of requiring the culture and art to come out of it to not shit the bed. Recalling those random jazz blacks recording albums from some sort of visigoth or viking castle in weird parts of Europa, it seems as though some places keep that idea in the back of their mind no matter if they're whittling wood or creating music. Here we have one of these swedish bands inventing boston ska party music but with meaningful lyrics and without the aping of dance rhythms. Straightforward growl yelling with a trumpet and acoustic guitar?

Oj Vilket Liv!

The Boat People

There's nothing wrong with this, and that's what's wrong with it. Edgeless guitar pop with synth and no quirks. When your myspace page's influences are current bands you sound like tedious versions of, you need to hire PILE MANAGEMENT and rethink your future. Like if phoenix and blur got together and decided to fuck everything up for themselves.

Would sound great backing a Prius ad.


Get past that it's another white idea band: painted boomboxes harnessed by FM broadcasts, weird venues, crazy hodge podge of sounds that shouldn't go together! lolz!, painting their logos on misc. other record covers, and the other visual throw-up. Underneath all the crap that would be different if this year was some other year, there's an undercurrent of them caring about what they're putting together.

If C-A-T was spelled D-O-G-G.

Fettes Brot

Half of a live album of German hip-hop. Fettes Brot is German for "Sugar Ray." It's easy to dismiss, and boggle at how the same country who gave us... well, everything German, not only produced but appears to encourage this. What tickles me most is the design. We are one step closer to closure regarding anglo design that mimics this voice. It really is the equivalent of European cereal box art, no matter how sophisticated you want your baby shower / dirt rave to appear.

"Fraktur" set in Gotham.


There is a new genre of music and it's called I was in prison for 15 years for burning down churches and killing someone named ěystein who did a guitar solo on one of my albums. Unfortunately it sounds kinda shitty, probably because protools doesn't run well in a dungeon.

Borrowed a quarter, phoned it in.

Golden Triangle
Double Jointer

I know. And I know you know. An imprint of Sub Pop honing in on Brooklyn art garage rock here, which apparently couldn't help but bubble to the surface. Same response as someone doing a Vincent Price impression, but far less interesting: why now?

ESSENTIAL to use "amalgam" to validate this.

Tokyo Incidents

Japanese adult contemporary smooth funk R&B with a slightly but noticably speech impeded singer, just taste that tongue surgery. Funny because they do not understand the pussy eating innuendos defaulted to any lyrics put over this music.

Crucial when neo-jacking off to video chat.

40 Glocc & Zoolife
Concrete Jungle

NSFW: Not Safe For Whites.

This release was patronized.

Popa Chubby
The Fight is On

I imagined a life where this was considered the finest art possible, and it was a fun and interesting place where the only requirements were wearing a cooking apron that read "Interests: Sissy" with nothing underneath. I considered this a fair trade.

This release was not listened to.

David Guetta Featuring Kid Cudi

CMYK cartoons, questionably modified modern typography and sample + synth driven, clean white house single with arbitrary remix. This is officially another blog.

Satisfied with hearing 16 bars.

Vampire Weekend

The band that white people sarcastically love, a heartfelt culture ass-fisting for unaware audiences. Dancehall plus Weekend at Bernies plus Nigerian reissues. Leave your pith helmet at the door.

Heavy rotation while wincing.


Thinking man's bar band, if he's thinking this is a boring bar.

Skimmed, repeated the good one a few times.